DEPRESSION

Seems I ve had a brief hiatus.
Not sure I am up to this yet but nothing ventured../.. you know. Andy and I are counting on a few blokes to bring us in on the money end of this house and its a nerve racking time for me. All we can do is wait a couple more weeks. I want to spill the beans all now and scream out loud but best to wait, as I am slowly learning.You see it seems as soon as I say this is the way some thing is going to be on this house thats the time for the whole flippen deal to slide sideways on me. So until the boat quits rocken I am not talken.
 I have been sick with the flu, pretty much over that but now, I am kinda down. This house deal. So I ve totally blown my diet which doesn't help either. At least I can see that when I get depressed I eat. So I medicate with food. Novel flippen idea. The only thing I can do is work, thats what always brings me up out of the muck. Today was a little rough and I have company of the best kind here right now so I don't want to be to depressed. Bobbie's baby's are home for Mothers day weekend and the littlest guy Erik just loves his nanna kelly. So here's the plan....
Tomorrow I get up, work out and get physical around here. I want to tackle the back room and the yard, plus I am ready to get back on my diet.Should take a load or two of bobbies things up to storage.I have to fight feeling worthless or not giving a care about anything. I don't really like to talk about this part of me but it's very real and it's whats on my plate so if I am going to be honest with my readers
I feel obligated to tell them the whole story to the best of my ability. I am a manic depressive person, I think. Never been diagnosed as one except by myself but I am certain I am. Or at least borderline somehow. I love my manias. Which is either work or creativity, to the point of what feels like genius and is quite the high. I love the high. But the other side is not so pretty. I take cymbalta,which even though I believe it saves my life, I hate. It robs me of my highs and worse of my creativity, but for my family's  sake and truly for  my own I must take it. It has made me a much more even keeled person than I have ever been. Thank goodness. I love who I am and I get by ninety per cent of the time just fine. I have had a few "episodes" in my life. Pretty scary, don't know how I made it except for the last time  when I went and seen a doctor who helped me. It seems strange to put this out there, scary also.But my  strength is in who I am not who I am trying to be. I believe in being a good person. I work hard to be a good person. Not for anyone else's sake so much as for my own. It helps me get through life knowing I  care so deeply. Knowing I am a good person.